How should we support a friend who shares their sexual struggles with us?
How to Support a Friend Struggling with Porn and Masturbation
If a friend opens up to you about their struggle with porn, you have an incredible opportunity. Not to fix them. Not to lecture them. But to walk with them.
Too often, when someone shares something vulnerable, our instinct is to jump in with advice. But the most powerful thing you can do is simple:
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN
Most people don’t need a theological dissertation or a motivational speech. They need someone who actually hears them.
When a friend shares their struggle, don’t immediately rush to solutions. Don’t minimize their pain by saying, “It’s not that bad,” or “At least you’re not doing worse things.” And definitely don’t react with shock or judgment—that will only make them retreat.
Instead:
Let them speak without interrupting.
Give them space to process out loud.
Acknowledge their courage for being open.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just being present is powerful.
Ask Good Questions
Once you’ve really listened, thoughtful questions can help your friend process their struggle:
What’s been hardest for you in this battle?
When do you find yourself most vulnerable to temptation?
What have you tried before? What’s helped, and what hasn’t?
How do you want to grow in this area?
Good questions show that you care without pushing them into a quick-fix mindset.
Encourage Them to Take Up a Process
Breaking free from porn or sexual sin isn’t about willpower—it’s about building a process. Your friend needs more than a one-time confession; they need a plan.
Encourage them to:
Find accountability (not just you, but a structured group or mentor).
Set up practical steps (filters, boundaries, habit shifts).
Address underlying issues (stress, loneliness, emotional struggles).
Replace bad habits with life-giving rhythms (prayer, fitness, creative work, strong friendships).
Freedom doesn’t come from white-knuckling it. It comes from replacing what’s destructive with what’s good and true.
Offer to Help—But Don’t Become Their Savior
If your friend is struggling, you can support them, but you can’t carry them. Offer practical help—whether that’s checking in, praying with them, or connecting them with good resources. But don’t let yourself become their sole lifeline.
Real change happens when someone takes ownership of their own journey. You’re there to walk with them, not for them.
The Bottom Line
When someone shares their struggle, it’s a gift—don’t take it lightly.
Listen first.
Ask good questions.
Encourage them to take action.
Support, but don’t carry.
Above all, remind them that freedom is possible. They are not alone, they are not too far gone, and they don’t have to stay stuck. Your presence and encouragement might be exactly what they need to keep fighting.